Sunaina.

I see you sitting in the balcony, your hair still wet. Tiny drops of water trickle down your back in a steady, lustrous stream.

You are lost in a dream. A dream that I know, much too well.

You look into the morning sky with those same pair of eyes that once sang a million songs; the eyes that once, never ceased to smile.

Sunaina. Beautiful eyes.

Your eyes are like bottled up lava. Hot, luminescent and wrathful. I can hear the passion simmer beneath their cozen calm…

What are you thinking Sunaina?

Where are you lost?

A gentle breeze tussles with your almost dry locks, kissing them gently, playing with them coyly. You smother them unmindfully, still lost in a secret dream that is locked somewhere in the labyrinth of your heart…

Sunaina…

Why don’t you smile any longer Sunaina? What’s gnawing at your heart? I can almost hear that ringing laughter touch your parted, provoking lips…

And then it dies. Right there.

Why don’t your eyes play any longer? Why do they mourn? What do they mourn, Sunaina?

I can almost see the mischief creep into their fathomless irises…

And then, something shuts.

Sunaina… Has anyone told you lately how beautiful you are? Has anyone told you that you’re the dream that comes true, only once in a life time…

Sunaina… Has anyone told you that you’re a miracle?

I can see that things between you and Aditya are not so good any longer. I can see how pained you are with the subtle changes that hover threateningly at the fringes of your subconscious…

I can see your pain Suniana….

I know you’re wondering who is it that calls Aditya so late at night. I know you’re wondering what’s going on that he leaves immediately after the phone call and doesn’t return till the next day…

I know you’re wondering who she is…

I know you’re wondering where you went wrong…

I could tell you a million things, Sunaina. To ease your pain, to tell you that it’s not your fault.

I could tell you a thousand times over that you’re a dream come true, Sunaina.

I know how alone you are Sunaina. So alone and empty.

You know, I can hear the emptiness ring inside your soul. I can see it peeping out of your placid eyes… I can hear it hidden in the words that you speak….

I know you sometimes cry bitterly. You lock yourself up in the bedroom thinking you want to keep your little Mishti out of it.

I wonder, if you know that she knows.

She knows Sunaina. She can sense it. She even tries to reach out to you, in the only way she knows, in the only way a four year old can.

You know you drive her away, Sunaina. Yes, that’s what you do.

Sometimes when I see you go there Sunaina, I follow you.

I can see you sitting there, so carefully holding it in your hands. I can see the tears that cloud your beautiful eyes… the words that die on your parted, provoking lips…

I can see you slowly unknot them, gently, tenderly. You pick them up, one by one. I know you know that they are priceless.

You hold them in your hands, afraid and scarred… You know they’re all that is left of the life you once so loved…

You look at them with the love that only the one who’s felt it can understand. And then the tears begin to fall…

You know how I hate to see you cry Sunaina. I hope you remember.

The only thing that keeps me from going insane is, that apart from the tears, there are smiles too…

You look at them with naked need… I can see the desire drip from your eyes… I know they are the tears. I understand them.

You look at them with playful mischief… I can hear the child inside you gurgle… I smile along with you, too…

Sometimes Sunaina, while we’re traversing the road to the past that glimmers in your mind’s eye, I am left alone.

You are called away by someone, and I am left alone.

Those are the times Sunaina, when a scream, so primal in origin, it dances on my pale lips; a whirlpool of memories threatens my sanity and I am sucked in a black hole that almost devours me…

That is the time Sunaina, I realize who I am.

I remember how happy you were always with me Sunaina. I remember how much we loved to be together. After all, we had a connection.

Do you remember how perfectly you fit in my arms, how beautiful you looked when you were with me?

They were always so jealous. The people around us… Always saying that no one should love someone as much I loved you…

What did they know Sunaina?

You were a dream that I wanted to keep dreaming. A life I wanted to live forever…

I wonder if you remember how happy our families were that we decided to get married. After all it was only natural that two people as much in love as we were would marry each other.

We were so happy Sunaina, you and I…

And then one day, there was just you… (At least that’s how it looks)

I remember Sunaina, don’t think I ever forgot.

I remember the look on your face when they told you that I had died…

I remember how all you ever spoke were just three words…

‘But the promise…’

Sunaina, what do you know of promises…

I see that your little girl has been trying to get your attention for a while now. I think you should love her a little more than usual these days. After all, you should realize that your love is all she gets nowadays.

I wonder Sunaina, how this little girl would have looked if she had me running in her veins…

Happier, maybe…

Now Sunaina, I wish you would confront your husband with your suspicions. I don’t like seeing you in so much pain…

I wish I could whisper my wish into your heart… I try doing that sometimes too…

I think you have forgotten Sunaina… I though you never would…

I wish you would feel me all around you… I wish you would let my love touch you deep inside…

I wish you would see it Sunaina… I wish you would understand…

Remember, I promised you that I’d never leave you Sunaina…

Well, I could not keep the promise while I was alive…

You see Sunaina; I’m trying to keep it in death…