She was an earthen child.

She was like a pot of golden earth that was made by a loving master’s hand; with finesse and deep contemplation, each molecule of earth sticking closely to another, to form a complex web of emotions that were caught in a whirlpool of cohesion.

Maya was a mystery child; a girl-woman with earthen fantasies and desires. She was a swirling hot water spring of emotions that sprouted from the womb of dense, warm earth; and waited for tired feet to lap in its gentle heat and create a cosmic unity, the dream of which was simmering beneath her placid black eyes.

Maya was desire flaming in human eyes; waiting for its salvation in human communion of bodies and soul. Maya wasn’t surrender; Maya was primal urge.

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It isn’t easy being born to parents who’ve promised their first born daughter to the Church. It isn’t easy being a sister to a brother who was born to dominate his fiery earthen sister and reign her rage than set her free. It isn’t easy to be born with a destiny when you are pining to hold the cup of life in your hands and drink in its magic, than give in to rules that harness human sensibilities.

Maya was mystery born in bondage. Her soul was on lien and her passions unbridled.

She was little vibrant child with dark black eyes and coal black hair that flowed behind her as she ran around in careless abandon. She was svelte and tall for her age, brown like the earth and her face glowed and her eyes shone with a zest for life and a hidden desire. She was five, nine, ten and fourteen; she was your normal young girl who giggled and laughed with childish humor and she looked on with awe at a world that made secret promises to her.

Maya never quite knew if she was really wanted. She never understood if it was her, her parents desired or was it a proof of a greater divine power watching over them they wanted.

She was born to her parents when her brother was fourteen. Her parents had been trying for another child for years but to no avail. In a moment deep somber piety, Maya’s mother had promised a daughter to the Church if she were to have any more children. It wasn’t clear if it was heavenly providence or a game of destiny conspiring against its element; that Maya was born to a mother who had sold her already for a price.

She was a brooding silent child, or so they thought. She kept to herself and loved to walk by the sea. They thought that she was a loner and took it as a sign from above. They presumed that it was her destiny leading her to a solemn solitary path that would later help her adjust to that which was supposed to be her calling, her salvation.

They would sit back in satisfaction and they would watch her lithe frame saunter cautiously by the open sea; they would marvel at heaven’s design in sending them a daughter who was already at peace with her fate and their promise. They would look at each other, gratified and smug, and they would thank God for all their blessings and, for Maya and the wonderful twins who followed her shortly enough.

But they were wrong.

It was a calm storm that walked by them each time she passed by; it was a world of wrestling emotions, conflicting dreams and renege passions. When they thought that she was giving into her destiny, she was only struggling with it; fighting and bellowing for a release she did not recognize but just felt.

While she looked like the sea, peaceful and restrained, she was like fiery earth inside; all red, hot and molten, angry lava that licked at her subconscious like flames of purgatory, threatening to devour her.

Being born a child of earth is curse. The earth is secretive and it harbors desire. It is lascivious and it rages to give birth to smaller desires that can procreate their ilk and fill the universe with the smell wanton desire. The earth is angry and it burns; it hides within its brown composure, infernos of passion and tumult; the earth smiles with a salacious wink and waits for its fulfillment; its moment of lust and desire.

When she was seventeen, Maya felt a certain need building up within her. She knew that she wasn’t like other girls; she wasn’t just happy in moping around giggling and winking at boys. She recognized that her need was a physical manifestation of a deep spiritual need.

But she recognized the physical need too.

She realized that she needed to create splitting desires to pay her due to her element and only them she could dream of probing deeper beneath the burning passion and search for her true self.

It was then that Maya felt the first twinge of attraction, the bitter sweet taste of physical desire rushing up her veins into her head and swelling her chest with a tender need.

It was also then that her brother insisted to her parents that they talk to her about her calling and help her choose and Order and get ready for a life of celebrated penance, celibacy, poverty and obedience.

There is a stark difference between a Nun and a Sister; when you promise to live a cloistered life of deep contemplation and minimal human touch, you promise to become a Nun. A sister however can live within the world and discharge her duties as a Bride of Crucified Christ.

Maya’s brother wanted her to become a Nun. It was providence that wanted her to become a Sister. They chose the Order of the IBMV Sisters and Maya was instituted as a Novitiate and she was made to take her temporary vows.

Along with vows of chastity, poverty and obedience, Maya took another silent vow.

This vow, she intended to keep.

Maya has only begun to unfold its mysterious magic while the earth still grumbled with displeasure; she was riddled with emotions that were screaming within her to be unleashed; she wanted to be a real bride but she had to embrace a bleeding Cross and make love with universal piety and cosmic grace; there was passions that were fighting a smug destiny.

The true destiny was yet to reveal itself.

(To be Contd.)